Pearl Harbor Gone Wrong
by Lita Jolie
Summary: This is my version of Pearl Harbor.
1. Uh

Hi! This isn't my best but oh well!! And if you have a crush on Danny then don't read this!  
  
(title unknown)  
  
By, Lita Jolie  
  
Before Rafe and Danny joined the Air Force they promised each other that they would always be there for each other.  
  
Well, now that they were in the Air Force, they were men and the could take care of themselves. But they still stayed to the vow that they made.  
  
While Rafe and Danny were out gettin ready for training, Red came over.  
  
  
  
"Yo... u need tttto ggggoo tttto--  
  
"SPIT IT OUT RED!" Rafe yelled.  
  
"You need to go see Dolittle!"   
  
"Gosh Rafe you should be a little more nicer to the people around you!" Danny told him.  
  
  
  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Rafe was always mean to everyone, except for the men that were in charge of them. And Danny was always trying to straighten him out. It never worked.  
  
  
  
  
  
While Danny and Rafe were walking to Dolittle's they began to have a conversation.   
  
"What do you think he wants from us now?" Rafe said.  
  
  
  
"DO YA THINK I KNOW?" Danny screamed at him.  
  
"WELL OBVIOUSLY, THAT'S SORTA WHY I ASKED YOU, YA FOO!" Rafe yelled.   
  
"Oh well Rafe it doesn't matter! Just shut up you son of a bitch!"  
  
(Rafe gasps) "OKAY YOU BASTARD!"  
  
"THE ONLY REASON MY DAD IS DEAD IS 'CAUSE YOU GANGBANGED HIM WITH YO BROTHER!"  
  
"Shut up, you motherfucking slut who's a wannabe bitch ass licking butt kissing shit rippin' biatch!!"  
  
They fought all the way there.  
  
********************  
  
  
  
"Men, today I have called you down here to ask you something." Dolittle said.   
  
"What would that be sir?" Danny asked politely.  
  
"Well, I was wondering if you boys would go to England, and fight with them."   
  
Then Anthony jumps out of nowhere and yells "I WANNA GO!"  
  
"I TOLD YOU TO MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS BOSCO!   
  
Anthony walked out if the room sadly. "I am sick of that son of a bitch coming in here!" Dolittle said. "Anyways.. will you go?"   
  
"Well..." Oh no Danny thought. Not another one of Rafe's speeches!  
  
  
  
"I think it would be a very good idea to go. Danny needs the encouragement! He needs to become a real man!" Rafe sounded like he was the president giving a speech.  
  
Dolittle's face was in a smile. He began to laugh. "Oh Rafe! That is awful bullshit!! Can't you come up with anything else you motherfuckin' cow?"  
  
Danny gets up and starts dancing and singing. "HE TOLD YOU!" Danny yelled while dancing a victory dance.   
  
"Now men, I am serious this time. Will you go?"  
  
Danny sat down in frustration. "No sir," Danny answered, "make Rafe go! He is gonna get killed anyways! A Japanese bitch is gonna kill him!"  
  
"What?" Dolittle asked.   
  
  
  
Danny gasps. "Oh no I gave away their secret!"   
  
  
  
"What secret?"   
  
  
  
"Well you see sir the Japs are gonna bomb us."   
  
  
  
"Oh well!" Dolittle said.  
  
Rafe stands up. "No. I will not go!!! I need a bitch to hold on to!"   
  
  
  
"WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?" Dolittle yelled.  
  
"I don't know sir." Oh well, I will have to get other men. GOODBYE!"  
  
LOOK OUT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER 


	2. The Deformed Version of Rafe's Ass

Continued of The Way Pearl Harbor Should Have Been!  
  
So, Rafe and Danny were walking. And talking as well.   
  
"You know Danny I never noticed it but you are a son of a bitch!"   
  
"Well that was nice!"   
  
"I know!"  
  
  
  
"What do you wanna do anyways?"   
  
  
  
"Let's go ride some cows!"   
  
  
  
"NO RAFE! THE LAST TIME I RODE THAT BITCH ASS COW I FELL OFF AND GOT A BOO-BOO!!"  
  
  
  
"Well you asked me what we should do!"   
  
  
  
"Rafe shut up you are always causin' some trouble you son of a bitch!"   
  
"Let's just go to England and go pick up some British maestros!   
  
"OK!!"  
  
  
  
So, Rafe and Danny went to England! And on the way they met this girl named Evelynn.   
  
"HI THERE!" said Rafe.   
  
"Hello." She simply said.  
  
"What is your name bitch?"   
  
"My name is Evelynn."   
  
"Hey Evelynn wanna screw?" Rafe asked.   
  
"Okay!"   
  
(So then basically they screw, Rafe accidentally dies, and then Danny screws with her in a parachute hanger, and only God knows where it goes from there.)  
  
"Hey Evelynn, keep your eyes on my tha dun da dun dunk!"  
  
So then Rafe comes "back to life" and figures out that Danny screwed his woman.  
  
On Dec. 7, 1940 somethin', America was attacked!   
  
"Oh no the Japanese are coming! The Japanese are coming!" Evelynn yelled.  
  
  
  
"It was the British, not the Japanese.." Danny said. "Wait a sec! Aren't we all supposed to scream and run away?"  
  
Rafe stood up like he was gonna say something and just said "DAMN!"  
  
Well, these people didn't know what to do, so they just stood there, and a bomb hit them! And they survived! (you're probably thinking this is impossible) Well it is! So then a Jap gets out of his plane!  
  
Rafe walks up to the Jap, (which was a guy) and said "BE MY BITCH!" And they Jap just stood there, and then said "Hibechow?"  
  
Rafe tried to translate it. "Howule BITCH"? Then the Jap said "MO! MO! MO! Which in Japanese means yes, yes, yes! I got the urge to Herbal!  
  
So then Rafe and The Jap (bitch) were just making out happily when Danny and Evelynn stood there. Then Danny got a gun and shot Rafe.  
  
"HA! I'M NOT THE ONE WHO DIES THIS TIME!" he yelled.  
  
Then Rafe sat up and said "I have a bulletproof vest on!"  
  
"Oh."   
  
  
  
While Danny was pouting the Jap got up and shot Danny. Rafe went over to him and held him.   
  
"Rafe I'm so cold."   
  
"I will warm you up!" said Rafe.   
  
  
  
"NO! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO DIE PEACEFULLY? I AM SUPPOSED TO SUFFER NOT BE HAPPY!"   
  
"But Danny, you can't die! You are gonna be a father!"  
  
"What do you mean? Sure me and Evelynn screwed a few times but I was protected! Trojan Man!"   
  
  
  
"Oh, well I meant soon to be daddy. Just die and get it over with!"  
  
"OK". Then Danny died. And Rafe's Jap disappeared. And then Rafe went out with Evelynn they broke up blah, blah, blah!  
  
END  
  
Hi, this is just a stupid little fic that I came up with, I just felt like being funny so R/R!!! PLEASE!!! No flames! 


End file.
